Day 214. Breaking the cycle

I’m starting to see the light in a longer tunnel I’ve been in. It’s been a lot of thoughts about me moderating lately. They always start with my brain thinking about rules that I could use to be able to moderate: never drink when I have the kids with me, never more than two days a week, not stronger stuff than wine, etc etc etc.

Then I stop in my tracks: I do recognize this. Setting up rules (which I’ve always broken) I have done before. Not only does it make me tired to come up
with them, it’s also very tiring to try to live by them should I try. 

I think I know what is happening: my AF life gives me so so much superfluous energy that I try to find ways to find new challenges that will make my life much harder and more draining. The thing is that I know where that road pretending I can moderate ends: I will stand exactly at the same spot where I started my journey feeling anxious and sorry for myself.

I can choose to continue repeating the cycle or I can continue breaking it. This will not only be sustainable but also take me to new places in life instead of places I’ve already seen. 

Onwards and upwards, comrades!

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