Day 244 - The subtle universe of sobriety


I can still remember the feeling so vividly after the first mouthful when the wolf inside of me awakes. It just says “click” and from that moment on my focus shifts to just drink.

I don’t like to take one or two glasses, it’s completely pointless: alcohol for me is not a specific amount, it’s a process of getting more and more continuously. I can’t really appreciate the alcohol I’ve already consumed, it’s the next drink and the next drink and the next drink that I feel. Even if I feel that I’m drunk it’s the “one more” that gives me satisfaction.

And the next day I promise to never drink again. Depending on the hangover, I might pause to the next day (if I’m disciplined) or to 16:00 the same day if I’m not.

Most of my energy is wasted on being hungover, planning when I can drink the next time or sitting in the sofa feeling bad about myself.

That used to be my life, that is what I don’t want anything to do with.

Instead I’m sitting here on my balcony listening to the birds singing and writing to you. Yesterday me and my daughter went for a walk in the sun and had a wonderful time.

Being AF opens up a universe of subtle marvels in the everyday life, because it’s without alcohol you will have the ability to sense them.

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