Day 235: Am I repeating myself?


I’ve come to place in my journey where I feel that I repeat myself. My life is simple but very much the same day after day. I use the same strategies (which have worked so far) to abstain. And I wake up being able to do the same things more or less everyday.

Then it hits me that had I been drinking I would also repeat myself,  but with negative thoughts and actions. Repeated evenings starting “with just one” and mornings wondering why I yet again let myself down.

My life now is only repetitive if I look at it from an alcoholic’s perspective: being clearheaded every evening of the week and waking up being able to do what I set out to do is not repeating myself, it is motivation and perseverance. And if I find something tiring and repetitive I just do something else. Compare this to having the same hangxiety every morning with desperate motivation but no success in breaking the cycle.

I might repeat myself but I do it because I want to and not because I happen to. That’s a pretty big difference.

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