Day 261 - Why and Why-not



I’ve got two voices in my head: Why and Why-not.

Why-not is strong with me and has given me lots of unexpected joy in life: spontaneous lunch with a dear friend I bumped into or living in South Africa for half a year.

But during my drinking days Why-not also got me into lots of embarrassing situations and poor Why mostly was associated with bad conscience the day after. I hated Why when I was drunk and romanticized Why-not:
”You only regret what you didn’t do”, which is such bullshit for someone who more than once ended up in situations I deeply regretted. 

Why always became the embarrassing afterthought of the stupid situations Why-not got me into.

Now that I don’t drink Why and Why-not are in balance. Why-not comes from an unclouded heart and gives me lot of joy without guilt. And I’m starting to love Why: it listens to my inner needs, does not take any bullshit and makes me listen to my heart no matter what.

If I decide to do something I know that I want to do it and will not have to defend it afterwards. Both Why and Why-not can be happy at the same time.

Why is also getting more and more important the further I go: it’s the voice keeping me from drinking. It’s getting calmer and firmer for every day and keeps me on track without self-pity or questioning:

“Why not take a drink today in the sun? You’ve proved that you can stop drinking if you want to.”
And the calm, warm voice answers:

“Why should I?”

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