Day 271 - My dream

In my dream you took my hand and led me into the little park with the one hundred year old labyrinth. We sat down on a bench and you looked me in the eyes:
“Will you stay with me?”
“Yes.”, I answered.
“Then show it to me.”
I saw a tear rolling down your chin and I instinctively dried it with my shirt.
“No!” Do not dry my tears! As long as you keep forgetting me I will continue crying.”
You pointed at the entrance of the labyrinth.
“Go in there and come out with the blue flower growing in the core. And remember that whenever you do not know the way, choose what is right.”
“How do I know what is right?”
“As long as you focus on the crossroad at hand, you will know which turn to take”.

I woke up alone in my bed. The November rain was tapping on my windowsill. I had lost you once again.

I never got you the blue flower, because at every fork I forgot to focus on where I was, always ahead in the future. I knew in my heart that alcohol made me forget about here and now and you and still I continued drinking. I knew that I for every glass pushed you away even further. Even though you gave me a hundred chances to redemption I continued to pick the wrong turn in the labyrinth until you were fed up and left. And you were not the first one being tired of my drinking.

Tonight I wandered the labyrinth again, but this time you didn’t sit on the bench outside waiting for me. I was alone now but I followed your instructions and managed to reach the core of the labyrinth. When I came out I sat down watching the blue flower in my hand and I felt grateful for one thing: even though you hadn’t waited for me you still had taught me what I needed to know: if I stay away from alcohol, which makes me true to myself I always will know which way that is the right one.

Without alcohol and with the blue flower in my hand I will find the path again and again and again. And that is my gift to myself.

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