Day 327. Trust, belief and love



 I could’ve had a number of reasons why I stopped drinking: work related, anxiety or my kids. These are all important but they are not the main reason but pointers to the real reasons: restoring my trust, belief and love to myself.


Once I got that sorted the other things will come by themselves because I am restoring the fundament on which I’m standing.


Work related problems gets fairly easy to solve: either I get my shit together and work with purpose with what I have or I get the energy to switch position or occupation to something I like. Trust, belief and love to myself makes it so much easier to see and to do something about it.


I almost do not need to explain how much easier anxiety is to handle when I get my trust, belief and love to myself restored. At first it might go up since I need to see everything for what it is and deal with it, but then it will certainly go down since I won’t add any more unnecessary anxiety, just process what I’ve got.


My kids may be my whys but for me but it’s important that they are not my main reason. My main reason is to restore me, and as a very nice side effect become the best parent I can be. Kids can grow up with shitty parents and make it anyway, but by restoring my trust, belief and love to myself I will restore the same for them giving them the best conditions I can. I can still be a shitty parent sometimes but it is way easier to fix that when I’m not ridden by bad conscience, sleep deprivation or distrust.


For some these three will not come automatically just because you stop drinking. Then you need to work on them, but I promise that all kinds of actions you take (introspection or therapy) will be easier if you do not drink. Maybe it is something external like bad work life balance or an unsupportive spouse. You’ll see what’s what when you don’t drink. Sooner or later you will come around to trust, believe and love yourself simply because we all are beautiful. We just have to give us the opportunity to show ourselves that we are.


Restoring my trust, belief and love to myself. Everything else will fall in place once I do.

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