Day 387 - My four pillars

I’m building my sanctuary on four pillars: love, honesty, trust and consciousness.

Love to my loved ones prevents me from making decisions that are bad for the people around me. Love to myself makes me proud of myself instead of feeling I’m missing out. The choice not to drink is an act of love and a tribute to my all-or-nothing personality and not a punishment, but a blessing.

Honesty to my loved ones makes me accountable. Honesty to myself shows me the truth without resistance or anger: my life is the best without alcohol. If I stay honest to myself thoughts about moderation are held at bay because it’s only when I start lying to myself it actually can seem like a good idea to drink.

Trust in myself and that nothing is irreparable. No matter what stupid things I’ve done in the past, I trust that all that matters is what I do now. Trust in myself gives me resolve to stick to my decision. Trust is what builds the snowball effect over time: the more days I rack up the more I trust in my own ability which makes it even easier to stay on the path. 

Consciousness of my thoughts and actions gives everything I do a purpose. 

In order to start drinking again I must play down the consequences and put my inner voice of truth to sleep.  A conscious mind plays my actions forward which makes it impossible to drink. Without consciousness I open up for automatic thinking which in turn will make me diminish my reasons for not drinking. Consciousness keeps my addict brain in check and deals with all its tricks.


I light a candle in my sanctuary and listen. I can hear the voice within telling me that I’ve done the right choice and I know from the bottom of my heart that it is the truth. I’m done pretending and it makes me so relieved.

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