Day 70: Lies

To have problems with alcohol and deny it is like living in a bad relationship without doing anything about it. Both will make you come up with the strangest lies why you should continue on the path with blinders on.
When me and my ex-wife went to counseling a little bit more than a year ago I remember the turning point. My ex-wife asked:
“Give me one reason why you think we should try again”.
I just sat there and couldn’t come up with an answer. That’s when you know it is over. It was like something hit me: I didn’t want to pretend anymore, I was tired of coming up with lies my heart didn’t believe in just because of fear, laziness or to preserve the status quo.
I had the same revelation 70 days ago when I asked myself another question:
“When was the last time you thought about alcohol without guilt?”
It was totally silent in my hungover head. I sat there and meditated over the silence. The void of an answer is a powerful thing. I knew I had to do something and the force to do it came from the bottom of my heart.
The most important change in me is not the lack of anxiety or the better sleep. It is that I do not have to lie to myself anymore, to me and the people around me. Both when it comes to my former marriage and now with alcohol. That is such a burden taken off my shoulders.
Onwards and upwards, comrades!

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