Day 82: Break points

Closing in on the 90th. The break points (28/90/365) are the most insidious because that’s when my “drunken me” starts paddling me on the back and whispers
“You’ve been so good - you should be proud of yourself. Have a drink!”
or
“You have more than proved that this alcohol thing is not really a problem for you. If it gets a problem - just stop again. It wasn’t even hard for you”.
The biggest trial for me is not the acute sensation that I have to drink. The more seductive voice is. Because some things are more boring without alcohol. I’m not saying that the fun part is weighing up the anxiety by any stretch - but still, more boring. And it is up to me to find other things in life that makes it more fun - but also accept that some things will be more boring.
How I feel right now is that I want to stay AF but drink a few times a year. But then the thoughts start spinning: could I keep it to just a couple of times and if I would go down that route would it be like total binge the few times I did it just because I only do it seldomly. How does that help me feel any better?
And then the next thought; I’m really proud of being able to say that I am 82 days blip free. Would I want to ruin that? And for what?
I think the most important thing is to not try to push these thought away but to let them enter my mind without judging them. Every thought tries to tell me something - and it is only if I think them through that I can judge them fairly.
Let the thoughts come - to let them go.
Onward and upwards, comrades!

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