Day 292 - Being conscious














My decision to join OYNB came out of an awakening, an inner voice wanted something better for me and my life. I believe that inner voice arose from a consciousness deep within me.

Regardless what I decide to do after the 365, consciousnesses is key: if I continue being AF, consciousness takes away the struggle. Whenever I want to drink I can inspect my motivations with an open, unclouded mind. If I ask myself the question: “Do you REALLY want to drink!” the answer has so far always been no.

For the brave minds who consider moderation consciousness is even more important. What makes you slip back into old habits it’s not deliberate destructivity but that you let yourself fall asleep again and become unconscious. Some say that moderation is all about counting and sticking to rules but I think it is even more about not ever letting your guard down and start drinking unconsciously. I think moderation is possible if you stay conscious but I think it’s hard work. It’s all up to each and everyone if it’s worth it or not. The irony is that if you stay conscious the point of moderation almost always dissolves since it’s hard to see why you deliberately should make your life harder. It’s hard to see why you should try to run into a wall every weekend with just the right amount of speed so that it’s thrilling but not hurting.

Becoming AF has done many good things but the most obvious are that it has made me conscious and restored my self love. It’s really hard to do things that are bad for me, drinking for instance, with open eyes. When I ask myself the question why, it’s impossible to come up with a good answer being conscious about my decisions and what they do to me. I simply don’t want to mess up the wonderful, sober person I have become. He is awake and way to lovable.

Onwards and upwards, comrades!

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