Day 295 - Wake up, grow up and own your shit


For me the urge to drink often starts with self pity. An acute sensation that the world owes me something. Like I need to rectify something in my life or a quick-fix after being a bad parent. Maybe to soothe my nerves after a hectic day or to make me feel closer to that friend I haven’t met for half a year. 

Of course alcohol does not help with any of that. Instead I feel like slapping myself in the face to wake up, grow up and own my shit.

Grow up because the world does not owe me anything, and drinking will only send me into a spiral of even more self pity.

Own my shit and grow up, because if I’ve done something wrong or been a bad parent alcohol will not mend anything but make it even worse. Much worse.

Own my shit because instead of drinking I should do something about what stresses me out. If I use alcohol to push the stress away I will not do anything about it.

And grow up because only a teenager really believes that alcohol will make me come closer to that friend I haven’t met for a while.

After I day when my kids have been fighting almost the whole day and I’ve just felt like I’ve had no energy to deal with it (no daddy award today) I’ve been so close to just shout to them to grow up and take a beer. But it’s not them that need to hear that, it’s me. So instead I opened an AF beer and said to myself: “Wake up, grow up, and own your shit!”. 

And it actually helped.

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