Day 134 - Poison


All ways to stay away from alcohol are good ones and we all have our own set of arguments and whys that works for us.
One popular argument is that “alcohol is poison”. It seems to help many and that is good. There is something with it that I find hard to stomach and will try to describe what.
One of the best things for me with going AF is the increased ability to be aware of my thoughts and feelings. When not numbed by alcohol I have had and easier time listening to what they really are trying to tell me. I think it’s important to connect how I feel with how I think for my whys and arguments against drinking to stick.
When I was drinking I didn’t have the ability to do any of that. Either I was inebriated, hungover or just anxious. The truth that I couldn’t handle alcohol was too scary so I avoided thinking or feeling any deeper. Instead - I used labels, and lots of them “That thought is STUPID” or “That feeling is UNNECESSARY”. Labels to avoid inquiries of what they really meant to be able to move on. This way I never connected the dots of what the feelings really meant, just pushing them away with labels.
Going AF has made me a little allergic to this kind of categorical labeling and that’s the reason I find arguments like “alcohol is poison” counter productive for me. Of course it is not healthy but everyone who drinks does not die of cancer. (I probably would though since I can not moderate ðŸ˜Š).
The greatest gift for me with going AF has been that I can get away from the labels to be more introspective and true to myself and for me that rhymes better with more nuanced sentiments. I will have a more thorough process on how to handle trials and triggers if I’m not pushing away my feelings around alcohol with canned responses.
Onward and upwards, comrades!

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