Day 137 - Wanted to love you

I wanted to love you - God I wanted to love you. We had so many things in common. I loved the concept of us, I saw you as the symbol for a rich life and I loved us as parents. But when loving becomes a struggle instead of an ease, when thinking about how to love becomes more natural than actually loving and when we seem to always misunderstand each other we just have to draw a line beyond which we do not try anymore.
By not loving you I’m loving you more but in another way. When all the demands of a loving couple are removed I can love you for who you are as a human. When I see you shine I know that it was the right decision. And when I can breathe more easily I know that what we burdened each other down. We were not made for each other and even though that was the most painful process to understand I am so much happier and stronger today. All love stories do not end with getting old together but they can still be beautiful. If we let each other go and move on.
I wanted to love you too, alcohol. I loved the concept of us and you symbolized a rich life. But having you in my life became a struggle and made me loose parts of me I love the most.
I will see you as an old friend that I have grown apart from. We were simply not made for each other and even though the process to understand that was rough and painful I know that I’m stronger and more complete without you. I do not wish I hadn’t taken this detour over alcohol-land because I feel so empowered of getting out of it. All stories does not end with a relationship with alcohol - but they can still be beautiful. If I let you go and move on.
Onward and upwards, comrades!

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