Day 167: Little voice of truth

“Why am I doing this?” I was standing in the bathroom about half a year ago watching myself in the mirror. The time was past twelve and I must at least have drunken 7 large beers. On a Thursday evening. I stood there inebriated and still was wondering why I was doing it. Why I started again after eight years sober.

I have spoken about my experience not being able to moderate quite a lot here. That  I after all my sober periods thought I could moderate but always fell back in the same patterns. The longer I’d been sober, the longer I seemed to be able to moderate but sooner or later I always crashed with my head first. 

But I’ve actually come to think of something that I’ve learnt from my sober periods that has become stronger for every day I’ve been AF: my inner self conscious loving voice. The same voice that were asking me “Why am I doing this?” when I was looking in the mirror that Thursday evening. Every day AF makes that loving voice stronger. Sometimes it can be a nuisance because it will whisper the truth in my ear when I come up with some new grand scheme on how I will be able to drink again, just a little. But the longer I am AF the stronger the voice gets and the more I know that it’s right. And once I see that it has been right every time up til now I can not neglect it anymore.

So cheers in tea, AF beer, kombucha or whatever you’re having for our loving voices that tells us the truth! There is such a blessing to have that when the world is turned upside down. If you learn to love that voice it will love you back and in return guide you through the rest of your life. That’s pretty awesome, I would say!

Onwards and upwards, comrades! Let you voices  flourish!

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