Day 111: Trying to relive those first memories

My first memories of alcohol were really good. I wouldn’t by any stretch have dared to kiss that girl in my school without it. And the conversations I had with my friends when I was eighteen, after a few beers. It felt like no one ever before had come up with the things we came up with, like we were some kind of geniuses. And the feeling of having your whole life ahead of you and drinking that wine on a balcony seeing the sun set. Alcohol really enhanced the feelings of those moments and if I got a hangover that was only romantic and a measurement on how good the night before had been.
Since I belong to these people who really liked drinking at a young age I think that my drinking when I got older partly has been about reliving that young, untainted feeling of alcohol again. But the thing is - it is impossible to do since what really made me feel fantastic was not really the alcohol but to experience life at it’s fullest for the first time, like you do when you’re eighteen. It was the drug of life that I inhaled but since I consumed alcohol at the same time I confused it for being alcohol.
It takes some time to get rid of the habit but I can safely say that I start to inhale life again. And it’s a fantastic feeling!

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