Day 94: Why I started again

I've never found it hard to stop drinking. There are a couple of weeks when I feel somewhat strange and questioning my decision to stop. How bad can it be? How bad would it be with just one drink? But if you've got your whys straight I think this period is doable for most of us.
Then comes the real problem which is not about stopping but about NOT STARTING. This is the hard part because no matter how long you've stayed AF the brain will come up with all kinds of fantastic reasons why everything is ok and that you could handle alcohol again:
1) Now that I have been AF for a while I will have a different perspective and never fall back to old habits again
2) It was not the alchol per se, it was the TYPE of alcohol. If I only drink beer or wine I will be fine
3) The problems were not about alcohol really, it was about where I was in life at the time. I'm at a different place in life now - so I will not experience problems if I start again.
4) Since I'm so good at stopping - I can start and stop again if it gets problematic.
5) I know my triggers now - if I just avoid them I will be able to moderate.
I was AF between 31 and 39 so about eight years. I'm really trying to recollect how I was thinking when I decided to break such a long streak. Everyone around me knew that I didn't drink. My closest friends knew exactly why it was I bad idea for me to do it. My kids hadn't ever seen me drink and told their friends that "Dad is allergic to alcohol". Still I managed to come up with an explanation why it was a good idea to start again.
How did I come up with that lie? I used a combination of all of the above: being AF for so long have given me a perspective, I will only stick to beer and wine and if I ever get a problem again I will stop. I know my triggers - I'll just avoid them and I'm at another place in life now anyways so the triggers I had are not even there.
It took me about two years after 8 years AF to get into the old patterns. And another two years to relize that it was time for me to stop again.
So my advice is to not only look at triggers, start looking into what kind of arguments your brain comes up with to make you start drinking again. Because sooner or later you will start combining all these arguments to powerful stories that you really do not have a problem with alcohol, anymore. That's what happened to me. And it will most probably happen to you as well. And when it does - you need to be ready!
Stay vigilant, comrades!

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